1) Draw magic circle, include copyright "C" just within perimeter.
2) Leave opening in circle; opening should face Scribners and Sons (New York). Enter circle, bearing bag of Sacred Relics. Close circle while chanting "Alas, alas, didn't quite work for me."
3) Remove Sacred Relics from bag, pronouncing the name of each ("Twenty pound bond paper, non-erasable, blessed is thy high rag content. Nine by twelve envelope, cursed by thy clasp. SASE, IRC, SASE, and done!"). Place Relics inside circle.
4) Open even-numbered issue of Speculations to pro market listings. Read aloud while turning widdershins; stamp right foot on each listed reporting time.
5) When done, place open Speculations on your head and recite the following:
"By Heinlein and Asimov,
Niven and Card,
I banish you not-writes,
not-nows and too-hards!
Zelazny, Zelazny, Zelazny!"
6) Gather your Relics, open the circle, and write for four hours. And take the Speculations off your head before you go out, or people will wonder.
Shared by Frank Tuttle on the Speculations Rumor Mill.
Snarf. Writing biz humor. I just about spewed tea all over my keyboard when I first read this. I hope other people get this, or I'm just way too into the marketing aspect of writing . . .