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Hobkin: 2002-2010

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Hobkin passed away yesterday afternoon at home in my arms, quietly, easily, and peacefully.

The blood work and x-rays they took at the vet's on Monday indicated that the most likely cause of his seizures was his cardiomyopathy worsening. Also that fluid was once again building up in his lungs, another sign that his heart condition was progressing. We also think the seizures were blunting or taking out his sense of smell, which is why he was so reluctant to eat. Or else he was just too exhausted to have any appetite. He was lethargic and making small sounds of distress when moved, and most telling, he let the vet--the one that he was particularly not fond of--do the tests without a peep of protest.

Matthew and I agreed that it was clear that Hobkin’s quality of life wasn’t good and wasn’t going to get better. Rather than subject him to any more distress or suffering, we decided that the humane thing to do was to help him make an easy and gentle passing. We wanted his last moments to be at home with us so we took him home and made him as comfortable as we could and called the in-home euthanasia vet to make an appointment for her to come yesterday afternoon.

We spent Monday and the time we had with him on Tuesday holding and talking to him, telling him what a good boy he was, and enticing him to nibble (and occasionally scarf) as many blueberries, mealworms, crickets, hard boiled egg, and other favorites as he wanted. And when the time came, he passed away full of yummy tastes, wrapped in warmth and safety, with Matthew and me there holding him and petting him and telling him how much we loved him. It was the best and most gentle passing we could hope for, and one day I will be comforted by that. But not today. Or tomorrow. Or the many tomorrows after that. Because now, the pain of losing him is too huge and overwhelming to allow for anything else.

I knew eight years ago, when we decided to bring into our lives the adorable stomping baby ball of fuzz, that he would one day break my heart. Knowing doesn't make it any easier. There is a wrenching emptiness in me and an aching coldness in my arms, the hole his absence has made. I've cried until my whole body hurts from it and I go numb and think I can't have anything left. Then something reminds me of Hobkin, and I yearn for the warm, soft weight of him snuggled in my arms and know that I won't ever be able to hold him again, and more tears come. But for all this raw pain of grieving, there are no regrets.

Hobkin was a wonderful part of our lives for the years that he was with us. I wish we could have had longer with him, but the time we did have was a gift. Hobkin was precious and treasured and much beloved, and I hope he knew that, because he brought us so much joy and laughter. He gave us a new perspective filled with humor and magic and ruled our household with his imperative, silly attitude and personality. I miss him beyond what I have words to say, and I will never forget him.


Hobkin: 2002-2010
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On March 3rd, 2010 06:12 pm (UTC), fuzzdecay commented:
I am so sorry D:

<3<3<3<3<3
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On March 3rd, 2010 06:59 pm (UTC), alan_yee commented:
I'm so sorry to hear this, Eugie. It's always hard when you lose a pet. I know many other people have already said this, but I feel like I knew Hobkin through all your posts about him. Thanks for sharing him with the LJ community.
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On March 3rd, 2010 08:12 pm (UTC), pleroma commented:
Sad. He was an adorable little bundle of bouncing fluff. Our thoughts go out to the three of you. If someone hasn't shared it with you, check out the Rainbow Bridge poem.

Someone had given it to Christina on Facebook, but when we picked up Puddin'head's ashes, the people who did it included the poem with the box. It's a very sad thought, but also comforting.

Good luck in hanging in there.
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On March 3rd, 2010 08:15 pm (UTC), naamah_darling commented:
I'm sorry. He was such a wonderful guy to read about. I am sorry I never got to meet him.
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On March 3rd, 2010 09:38 pm (UTC), desperance commented:
Oh, Eugie. I am so very sorry.
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On March 3rd, 2010 10:31 pm (UTC), horace_hamster commented:
Oh, god, I am so so sorry. I'm glad you have so many happy memories of him, and I'm glad that your final memory of him is of peace and contentment, but that doesn't ease the loss.
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On March 3rd, 2010 10:33 pm (UTC), safewrite commented:
Pets are family, ans Hobkin was special. I'm sorry for your loss. *hugs*
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On March 3rd, 2010 10:59 pm (UTC), melissajm commented:
I'm so sorry. He was such a cute little guy.
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On March 3rd, 2010 11:36 pm (UTC), leahbobet commented:
Oh. I'm so sorry.
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On March 3rd, 2010 11:51 pm (UTC), dire_epiphany commented:
I am so terribly sorry to hear about Hobkin's passing. Please take care of yourself in this difficult time, and if there's anything at all I can do for you, please let me know.
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On March 4th, 2010 12:02 am (UTC), lmeighmy commented:
I'm so sorry to hear about his passing. I'm praying for comfort for you and your husband. I have no doubt he knew how much you loved him.
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On March 4th, 2010 12:05 am (UTC), shveta_thakrar commented:
I'm very sorry, Eugie.
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On March 4th, 2010 01:14 am (UTC), southernweirdo commented:
Oh no! I'm sorry to hear this...
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On March 4th, 2010 01:32 am (UTC), tstauffer commented:
Condolences
Having lost my two long time animal companions in just the last two months, I can empathize. It sounds like you did the best anyone could. Hugs to both you and Matt. Let me know on Facebook if you need anything. Don and I both give our condolences.

Much love,

Toni
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On March 4th, 2010 02:10 am (UTC), miintikwa commented:
I'm so sorry.
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