There was much sleeping over the weekend. My caffeine addiction appears to have re-established itself too excess without me noticing it. My occasional "extra boost" cup of coffee has become part of my daily routine, an essential ingredient in my staying-functional cocktail, and I've begun to add onto that a second cup of java and/or a diet cola.
That suggests to me that my tolerance to the Adderall is ramping up, even with me taking weekend holidays from it. And on weekends, when I'm not on Adderall and not having my usual first-thing-in-the-AM coffee, I'm useless--either
While on the one hand I'm glad I've got a workaround; I keep pumping in the uppers, and I can function like a proper human. But on the other, it's just not healthy. And at this rate, I'm going to have to ask my doctor to increase my Adderall dosage, and I would really prefer not to be on more than I'm currently taking.
This is all so annoying, dammit. I'm going to have to wean myself off caffeine again . . . but not until after I meet the next couple hamster deadlines. Still, even while I'm fuming at the shortcomings of my human suit, I'm also somewhat awed by how chipper I remain (barring, of course, the occasional husband-oriented grumpiness). My emotional equilibrium remains pretty stable, unfazed by sundry physiological nuisances.
It's the job. Day-to-day job satisfaction is giving me a buffer I never had before. Makes me marvel that I languished for so long at my previous day job, and makes me wish I'd had the courage to switch careers a long, LONG time ago.
Ah, well. A late life lesson is oodles better than one never learned.
I am so sorry to hear about the problems you are having. I never was able to adjust to the Adderall and was just left to deal with the cycles of fatigue and insomnia. I know too well how it feels and how your daily life is effected. I have bouts of depression because it is so hard to accept the cycles. Warm and fuzzy skunks always make me smile, though...good to hear Hobkin is doing well! Hugs!
"Job satisfaction is a wondrous thing. Maybe before too long, you won't need the uppers at all."
That would be fabulous, but I'm not holding my breath. The Lupus/MCTD is such a huge drain on my energy, even when I'm stabilized and not having a flare-up. Before I got on the Adderall, I was typically sleeping 12-14 hours a day, and I was always so tired. I couldn't get anything done, had no energy to answer my emails, much less write. It was depressing as all hell.
"And I love that the train story may only be written on the train."
*grumble grumble* I'm glad someone's amused by the antics of my willful muse . . .