October 15th, 2013

me

Waiting and Overthinking

No results back yet from the biopsy. Still waiting waiting waiting.

Something I’ve noticed at my last couple doctor’s appointments: some of my smalltalk circuits have shorted, notably the ones where folks ask me any variant of “How are you?”

My normal, reflexive, societally ingrained response is, “Fine” or “Doin’ okay,” but these days, I can’t seem to say that. It’s a lie. I’m NOT fine, not okay. But if I say, “Meh” or “I’ve been better,” people frequently follow-up with,  “What’s wrong?” And I don’t really want to go into the details of my situation every time someone exchanges pleasantries with me.

It’s particularly awkward with health care folks. Obviously, that question is essential for doctors and nurse practitioners to ask, but when the phlebotomist drawing my blood or the nurse taking my temperature asks it, I find myself flailing for a noncommittal answer that won’t invite follow-up.

I’m overthinking it, I know.

Originally published at EugieFoster.com. You can comment here or there.

me

Biopsy Results Received: Large B-Cell Lymphoma

We got the results of the biopsy. It’s Large B-Cell Lymphoma.

So, we’re not doing surgery after all. Treatment is chemo, possibly chemo and radiation. My case is being transferred to Emory’s Winship Cancer Institute. They’re supposed to contact us tomorrow.

Chemo.

I’m…kinda numb right now.

Originally published at EugieFoster.com. You can comment here or there.