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The C-Word or “C” is for Cancer

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I debated whether to write this post. I’m quite a private person, and I’m feeling rather raw and, frankly, terrified right now–not things I like showing to folks. But the writer in me thinks I need to get this out, put my words and emotions on the page. And I’m listening to her, because she’s the only one in my head making any sense right now.

So, I’ve been struggling with blinding headaches for the last several months–since June–that has recently also become persistent sinus congestion and significant loss of hearing in my right ear. I thought originally it was a bad dental crown, since the timing coincided, or possibly TMJ, since the symptoms seemed to point in that direction.

After seeing a dentist, general practitioner, ENT, and oral surgeon; and being prescribed three (now four) courses of antibiotics, steroids, and a variety of narcotics to help alleviate my pain, they took CT scans yesterday.

As it turns out, the culprit is a malignant, fast-growing tumor, around 6cm, in my sinuses and hard and soft palate regions. In short, it’s cancer. They don’t know what kind yet so can’t make a prognosis. The ENT who ordered the CT scan said that surgery–ASAP, immediate, urgent–to remove the tumor is my only treatment alternative at this point. Whether I require chemo afterwards depends on the type of cancer it ends up being.

I have an appointment to see a head-throat oncologist at Emory on Friday morning to go over what happens next, what type of tumor this likely is, all the questions which are boiling over in a deafening cacophony in my head.

I’m fluctuating between tears and numbness, terror and resignation for the battle ahead. And I’m really, really fed up with all the crap my human suit keeps throwing at me.

Originally published at EugieFoster.com. You can comment here or there.

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On October 1st, 2013 05:31 pm (UTC), samhenderson commented:
OMG, Eugie, this is gutting. All the gentle hugs, and every good thought I have.
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On October 1st, 2013 05:35 pm (UTC), eugie replied:
Thank you, Sam.
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On October 1st, 2013 05:31 pm (UTC), dragonmyst commented:
{{{hugs}}}

No other words really.
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On October 1st, 2013 05:36 pm (UTC), eugie replied:
Thank you.
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On October 1st, 2013 05:36 pm (UTC), eugie replied:
*hugs back*
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On October 1st, 2013 05:44 pm (UTC), rcloenen_ruiz commented:
Gods. I'm so sorry, Eugie. Sending you lots of good thoughts and hoping for the best.
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On October 1st, 2013 05:45 pm (UTC), raidingparty commented:
Keep breathing!
I've heard that breathing is important for humans.

Very sorry to read this, although hopeful on catching it earlier than later.

I work at Emory, and would be happy to stop by with tea on a lunch break or somesuch.
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On October 1st, 2013 05:48 pm (UTC), vaughan_stanger commented:
Very sorry to hear this. Keep strong. I hope everything will turn out well for you.
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On October 1st, 2013 05:49 pm (UTC), cathshaffer replied:
Wishing you strength. Anyone would be terrified. I hope you have people to lean on.
— On October 1st, 2013 05:51 pm (UTC), vaughan_stanger posted a reply · Expand
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On October 1st, 2013 06:17 pm (UTC), maryjdal commented:
I'm very sorry to hear this. *Hugs* and good thoughts.
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On October 1st, 2013 06:50 pm (UTC), matthewsrotundo commented:
That's rotten news, Eugie, but I appreciate you letting us know.

Sending all my hopes and good vibes your way.
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On October 1st, 2013 06:51 pm (UTC), jongibbs commented:
{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}

Hang in there, Eugie!
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On October 1st, 2013 06:56 pm (UTC), coronalrain commented:

I wish I had wise words but all I can say is good luck and I'll be sending healthy thoughts and vibes your way

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On October 1st, 2013 07:36 pm (UTC), jimhines commented:
::Hugs::
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On October 1st, 2013 07:55 pm (UTC), horace_hamster commented:
Oh, gosh, what an unexpected shock that diagnosis would have been! But I'm so glad you persevered with your doctors/dentists to get to the bottom of it. The quicker it's removed, the better.

The writer in me says "keep a diary, a daily journal, logging all your thoughts and feelings. It'll come in handy someday!" The human in me says "do whatever helps you get through these days. Forget everything except being kind to yourself."

Hugs, good-karma thoughts, and best wishes for an effective surgery and complete cure ASAP, Eugie.
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On October 1st, 2013 08:42 pm (UTC), musingaloud commented:
Oh Eugie, so sorry to hear this! Hugs and lots of good thoughts and healing wishes sent your way.
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